The Dreaded Talking Stage: All Your Burning Questions Answered by Damisola Sulaiman Hello, Love

You don’t really know someone until you know them for a long time. So, at first, you have no idea if the person you’re talking to is a player.

But luckily for those of us who are lovesick and longing for something more, the talking stage’s long history means we can definitely find ways to manage it and the uncertain emotions that arise with it. Just like Indiyah and Ikenna on this year’s Love Island, no one is immune to the ‘talking stage’. All over TikTok and a prominent part of our lives in 2022, this excruciatingly drawn-out phase is a modern-day dating phenomenon — in name at least. But what’s now widely known as the talking stage has existed in some form throughout history, practised by generations gone by. The talking stage helps you develop your relationship naturally. With time, you’ll talk more frequently, go on dates more often, and grow closer as you open up and be vulnerable with each other.

• He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague.
• Thankfully, there are also some proven ways to reduce stress so you can feel calmer and collected before a conversation.
• Face them when you talk, give good eye contact, and smile!

After 2 weeks, you might know that you want to make it official with them. Or, you might need more time to get comfortable with your crush–or simply enjoy the low commitment of just talking–and stay in this stage for several months. You’re trying to see if there is something there or not. You probably find the person you’re talking to at least mildly attractive, but you aren’t sure if you want to move forward. Generally, the talking stage is what happens before feelings get involved. At this point, there shouldn’t be expectations or pressure. The talking stage is a grey area for a lot of people.

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For some people, the talking stage goes on for far too long. You might want to move to the dating phase, but the other person might be dragging their feet. People with avoidant attachment personalities have a hard time with emotional intimacy. The talking stage puts a barrier between people, usually via phones. It allows the avoidant person to keep their emotional distance. It is the place between knowing you’re dating someone you’re interested in, and just meeting them.

Another perk of the talking stage is that it really lets you suss out someone’s intentions and whether they are genuinely interested in you, and in getting married. Going out on dates while you are in this stage is a great way to spend quality time with someone new without committing to them exclusively. Depending on your preferences, this factor may mean more to you than others. If you are seeking a romantic partner that is confident and comfortable making and solidifying plans, you will want your partner to take initiative at least as much as you do. By defining your wants and needs with prospective partners, you will also save time and avoid getting stuck with someone who can’t or won’t meet those needs. Being clear when you are first getting to know one another can save you from heartbreak or feeling let down later on in the relationship. Because everyone is unique, they will likely have different thoughts and preferences about when they feel comfortable committing to a relationship.

Doesn’t anyone just date anymore?

The soundtracks to our lives say a lot about our people and what inspires us. Music is a super-easy way to connect with a guy, especially if you can find mutual musical interests. Even if you know nothing about his hobby, showing genuine interest with follow-up questions colombian brides and listening skills (head nods, “mmm-hmm,” and eye contact) will make him feel important. While you probably shouldn’t gush over a guy, a simple “I like your shoes” or “you have a nice beard” are great ways to flatter him and get the conversation rolling. Before you walk up to a guy to initiate a conversation, send him an easygoing smile with both corners of your mouth raised evenly and your teeth slightly showing. Prolonged eye contact triggers oxytocin release in the brain, which links to increased attraction and arousal, even in strangers. You can use this to your advantage when initiating a conversation with a guy you’re interested in.

But it will save you both a lot of time and heartache, and will leave you free to pursue the kind of relationship you’re actually looking for. Some of the frustration brought out by the talking stage is definitely a product of the time. Or when you’re looking at their Facebook profile and feel as though you know everything about them and their aunt’s best friend? Well, this can accelerate things, and as Dr West puts it “make us feel as if the ‘relationship’ is more solid than it really is”. This makes the talking stage feel quite ambiguous, because one person might feel like they know the other intimately, while that person barely thinks about you — or vice versa. I’m sure we’ve all experienced the long, drawn out talking stage at some point in our life.

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A more fluid approach to relationships and relationship-building gives people more space to date with intention, to think about what they really want out of their love lives and pursue it on their own terms. If the person you are talking to has already expressed an intention to move further, don’t miss your chance. Accept the rules of an exclusive relationship, and don’t be afraid to experience some extra pressure. If two people are meant to be together, the transition from the talking stage to dating will go smoothly. While many people find talking stages daunting, others see it as a “comfort zone” because they experience no pressure while spending time with a few potential dates simultaneously. The talking stage is a relatively new concept coined by all-time innovative Generation Z. We can describe it as the earliest stage of a romantic relationship.

Reflecting on what it was like in the past, Dr West says that in years gone by chaperones often accompanied many courting couples. Whereas now you can have several conversations through your phone while you’re on the tube, out having a coffee, or sitting at your desk working. The first word of advice is to be chill about the entire situation. I like to say that guys can smell desperation from a mile away because if you act even the least bit clingy in this stage, they will notice.

But before you can even reach that point, you’ll need to successfully navigate through fun yet sometimes awkward “getting to know you” phase. According to experts, there are some things you can do to make the most out of the getting to know you phase so your relationship can get to the next level. This is also usually a time when you’re unsure of the other person’s feelings or intentions. You’re talking and getting to know each other but aren’t sure where it’s headed. This is a time a lot of people would say they are “feeling things out”.

There’s been a growing trend on TikTok of users sharing their own rules for the talking stage. While the talking stage is similar to dating here’s a look at how the talking stage is different. Love comes in all forms and doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic or sexual in nature to be satisfying. You can get a lot more from your friends than from someone who wants to drag out the talking stage for months on end. Also, your friends and family have a clearer outlook on situations you may find yourself in when it comes to the talking stage. They know you better than most and, as such, can help you navigate the potentially treacherous waters of the talking stage in ways you might’ve been unable to see as the person stuck in this stage. Listen to them and take their advice and input to heart.